I will NEVER run out of shit to write about ever, all I have to do is watch VH1

No witty title, it gets right to the point. But I don’t think there is much you think of using the name Megan. Have I ever known a Megan before? Oh yea, she laughed at me when I trying to tell the story about how my cat passed away when I was in 7^th grade (that bitch…) Anyway this is a new VH1 reality show (it seems to be what they do best) about… Megan, duh, but not the bitch I knew. This is about the Megan seen on “Rock of Love” and “I Love Money”. I personally didn’t see much of those shows but what mattered is that she was in them. Not for me but it gives a back story; so she isn’t just some random bitch (well she is a random bitch, just because I don’t know her personally)

“Megan wants a Millionaire” gets straight to the point; I don’t really see a plot here. The main thing is Megan wants to lie on her ass and live off some “millionaire”.

And the lucky men are…

T.J “The Vodka King” (6,500,000 Net worth):  He makes frickin vodka for a living

Shaun “The Southern Gentleman” (2,000,000 net worth):  Exotic Car Customizer

Big Mike “The Investor” (2,000,000 net worth): Private Deals? Sounds illegal… get it how you live I’d say

Garth “The Plumber” (2,500,000 net worth): owns the company and is the plumber, not hating on that

Joe “The Trust Fund Baby” (10,000,000 net worth):  Trust fund baby, if only I had it that good…

Donald “The Producer” (2,000,000 net worth): Now that’s “real” work… but he’s old… and ugly

Let’s see what Megan has to say about this…

“Okay? So Apparently, There is quite a variety of millionaires out there?  (Well put Megan)

Alex “The Swinger” (3,500,000 net worth): what exactly are you swinging sir?? (Don’t answer that)

James ”The Baby” (4,000,000 net worth): but what the fuck do you do??

Audi (it’s spelled correctly)”Big Dog” (1,100,000 net worth): he has a jeep, not an Audi

Al “The Nervous Guy” (5,000,000 net worth): that was fucking awkward…

Punisher (the only black guy…) “The Punisher” (3,100,000 net worth): he stripped his way to a million!!

Sex Toy Dave “Internet entrepreneur” (9,500,000 net worth): way to get in that ass Dave…

Matt “The Pro Wrestler” (5,500,000 net worth): stop throwing those men around…

David “The World Traveler” (2,200,000 net worth): I think he sounds a bit… gay…

Corey ”The Hot Shot” (5,000,000 net worth):  feeling the “swag”(no homo)

Francisco “The Latin Lover” (2,000,000 net worth): I didn’t catch what he did…

Ryan “The Smooth Operator” (2,500,000 net worth)

“You’re gonna love Canadian bacon” -Ryan to Megan

“I realize no millionaire is perfect, but there’s always room for improvement…” -Megan

Right from the jump, I really don’t like her, simply because of this show itself. Her wanting a millionaire says a lot about her. One; she isn’t willing to do any work on her own. Two; she would rather leech off a person’s hard earned money and assets while she made no contribution to their success and that makes a gold-digger. It’s not the fact she’s a gold-digger, it’s the fact that she claims she’s looking for love, and money. Bitch you just got paid to appear on this damn show (and if you didn’t get paid, the VH1 are some mean pimps, must have their pimp hand strong). SO my thing about this is that it’s not just for love, but for money. Now if you just said you want a millionaire, without the possibility of catching any sort of emotional attachment then I may think differently. But you can’t do that, it’s impossible!

And this butler they have in here is fucking annoying… Why does he double as the narrator??

Onto the show. After all Megan have met all the Millionaires, they finally go into the living room where there is a bunch of gifts.

“Hi Guys, I’m gonna call you one by one and ask you to tell me a little bit about yourself and based on that I’m a give you a special gift.”

Giving gifts to people you don’t know? They’ll make a trend out of anything…

And I’m not telling you what they got; it’s not really worth typing…

“Poor Garth, She already see’s him as a tool” -Corey about how Megan sees Garth

I’d have to remark yet again about this Donald guy. This guy has no business on this show. Garth is pushing it with it fruity ass shirt, but this old guy isn’t making things better with his psychic talk. You already know people really don’t believe in that shit, so why are you bring up that stupid ass shit in the middle of all those people, that you don’t even know? Damn you’re old and stupid???

“I’ve pulled into your mind and revealed your inner thoughts…” - Donald to Megan

I really feel sorry for anyone that happens to be related to him. What the fuck are you doing on a stupid as VH1 show? You have better things to do, like whacking off, in front of the TV watching Megan. Seriously, he will be one of the first to go… I guess he was filler; there just weren’t enough rich people for her… shame.

“Donald has a lot going for him. He can put me in movies… I’m not sure if I can get past the 100% lack of physical attraction. But I can try!” – Megan

Private time with the millionaires…

First here’s the man that has a name of a fairly expensive car but rather drives a Jeep even though he is a millionaire, Audi.

“I think my conversation with Megan is going pretty good at the mixer. Um, we’re connecting, we’re conversating (that shit isn’t a real word!). I’m feeling confident.”  -Audi

So he says that females stalk him. *sigh* where do I begin. Not just guys are idiots. Females have a little “idiot” in them too; so for them to “stalk” him,  a few things must happen. One; they are desperate. Two; They just may attention to his body. And three; the sex may be good and they may have become “dicked” (it’s the female term for being whipped). I keep forgetting, you don’t need to be smart to have sex…

Today’s word is “Hump Game”, it’s a Rhode Island term and it refers to your “stroke”. WTF!

Joe and David come to save Megan from all that “isn’t” Audi.

“Being the jetsetter that I am, there is nothing better than traveling and shopping” -David

It seems to imply the shopping offer is merely an attempt to initiate contact with her. Maybe he only have money to offer. Some females (like Megan) love things being thrown at them. And they’re the ones (that I like) that prefer a man to do it because they sincerely want to. David seems to be that type, but I believe there is an ulterior motive. He feels the need to always say “I’m a classy put together guy”. If you feel the need to always say that, that shows you’re insecure. In the first episode David? I’m supposed to wait till like episode 3 to dissect you…

And Punisher is another one of those I don’t really like. Because he likes to use his size to intimidate others. He doesn’t’ even have to say or do anything, his mere presence does it for most. I used to have that same problem with my father, but I realize, he has balls that can get kicked too. SO does punisher. There is nothing that you can do to me that I can’t do to you. He has that look as if he is the shit because no one confronts him based on his size (of his body). Don’t get me wrong, he’s ripped. But his balls aren’t and I know if I were to kick him in the balls, they would hurt just like mine yesterday when I hit them accidently (shit was painful). 

Francisco’s like “yea, I got a banging body too”; so he shows off the goods. But Punisher personally took offense and was talking in his head like “boy, your body is like the surface of a cutting board, white and flat and whipped out(nothing?). But seriously when he took off his shirt the only thing that Megan (or any female would focus is the “birthmark” dead in the middle of his six-pack.  What could you say to that?

“it looks like a map to Cuba” –Megan

Did he really think no one would noticed that wide ass marker stain? It seriously looks like a huge permanent marker stain that didn’t come out in the wash.

Now the hotshot, Corey. “Laying with the King”

“I’m just looking to get a little inside her head and start to learn how that clock ticks” - Corey

Al is the shy guy, with the very awkward meeting with Megan. For an attempt to loosen him up a bit; she gave him a bottle of body oil. Maybe the oil was given to him or purpose, for the intent on loosening up, I wouldn’t say using it right away but he really doesn’t have much to lose, it is ONLY the first episode.

“So with Brandi and Cecile’s (but mostly Brandi) encouragement, he went to find Megan to be less… awkward” -Niles

So while Al’s doing his thing, Garth decided to share the fun. Who told you to go come over there during “private time”. That’s what happens when you busy fixing pipes all day, you’re not able to use yours! But Garth took that to offense?

“This guy is a complete moron and I definitely don’t want him in my company”-Garth

So as you can see, this show is basically the same, but with men. Same insecurity. Cocky bastards with strange ass birth marks that look like marker stains. One guy that hasn’t laid his pipe in a while. And a guy that really jizz in his pants to be near Megan.

It seems to be shaping up for another reality series by VH1. I never really doubted you.

So… Al wanted to show Megan a trick, one he likes to call “Dog Jaw”. But the sudden action startles her, causing her glass to champagne to fall on her face. Hasn’t this happened before? You can’t really say anything, you didn’t expect her to react like that. Then again, you don’t really expect people talking about dog jaw in the perspective of a human do you? It really wasn’t that serious, but I’m sure that dress is ruined… Wash it bitch!

In the next segment, Al seeks redemption. Being more sorry then the board game, and smiling while doing it. I will admit, it was kind of funny, but I’m able to laugh because I’m not the one on TV talking about dog jaw. Chances with Megan has been pretty much stripped from Al and I wouldn’t be surprised if he went home.

“I’ll buy you a new dress?” – Al to Megan

“Sounds like a start…” Megan to Al

Now… Donald, this creepy old guy again? But people that won’t hate the fact he’s on here when in fact he has no place on this show(like me) will probably consider him a sweetheart. Mark my words, there will be some groupies on the reunion show (they always have one)

“there’s one thing I like about Donald, he can put me in movies.”

That’s what she said…

So this conversation takes a turn for the worse for Donald. I’m sure he wants to get to know her, but I know and everyone else knows, that she is only interested in the idea of him being a producer. Hence, the reason they have been talking for this long. So by doing an impromptu scene with James, the situation gets even worse, because one; James and Megan aren’t even following the script. Two, they are having more fun with it then Donald wants. And they end up kissing…

But it sucked! There is hope for old man Donald yet? NOT!

“Not the best of kisses..oh who am I kidding, it was terrible. “ –Megan

Back to James, he’s not worth 4 million… yet. Instead he has to “wait” for an inheritance. You have done it yet again VH1. This is like Fox on Daisy of love, but at least he doesn’t have a girlfriend (or does he??)

 Brandi C interrogation time!!!

Q. “Do you live at home then?”

“No, well yea right now”

Q. So do you get an allowance every month?

“Um no (laughter) I don’t get… you guys make me sound like I’m like 12. I do get like, well I guess I get a monthly allowance”

Now it’s the Latin lover’s turn

So do you think you can leave Canada?

“Well I can do my job anywhere, in fact…”

“But why do you live there then?”

“Well I can’t legally work here unless I’m married”

“Ohhhhhh”

“We’d have to get married”

“So you’re using me for a green card?”

I’ll tell you this, if we get married then I won’t get you to sign a prenup.

It seems that’s what she wanted to hear. It’s been made clear since the beginning. They’re into each other. He will not be going home.

In another room of the house. Garth is giving Donald and Joe a hard time for their interest in movies.  He’s entitles to his opinion. And he has a problem with Joe holding his piggy bank Megan gave him. It’s certainly weird, but he is a trust fund baby.. what more can you say?

Get a Life! - Garth

Audi’s suggestion.

Yo, Smash that piggy bank off him” – Audi to Garth

*So Garth smashes Joe’s piggy bank*

“Awesome! thank you”

“Go watch another movie Chachi.“

“I can’t wait to tell Megan about this!”

Eh, he’s a baby after all and Garth wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t have outside help. You can thank Audi (that drives a Jeep) for that.

Elimination time, 3 people will go home…

“I met some cool cats, and I met some goobers. These kids, they got a lot to learn. Just gonna see whose gonna be eliminated tonight. I know it’s not me. “ – Corey

“I would really be surprised if I was sent home tonight. All I can say is when I go into elimination tonight I don’t want it to be like a N-Sync concert because I don’t want to be standing there saying bye bye bye”. –Donald

“Ive been sweating for what seems like an eternity, I feel terrible and I think I might be going home”-Al

The guys are represented by makeshift credit cards and when people are eliminated, they are declined and I assume she will either break them or cut the cards with sissors. They’re place there is respresented in a “credit line”. That’s really cute, I’m surprised they don’t have key cards to get in the house…

Ryan gets the first “card”. It’s no surprise there, but again, this is the first episode. Apparently, his credit is good with her. She actually used that lame ass line, but it’s almost cute at the same time.  

Corey the big shot gets the second card. Like I said, no surprise there. It’s not being cocky if you can back it up.

Despite smashing Joe’s piggy bank, Garth still gets a card. The’re worse people that need to leave now, and that’s why he even got one. If his stupid temper continues, he’ll be eliminated.

This show tests the age old question. Can love buy happiness. I personally don’t think so but I guess I understand the reasoning behind this show. I wasn’t able to see the very end when the three were eliminated. So I you’ll have to wait till I see it.

I know it was long, but I wanted to give readers the full fledged sneak into this reality show so people that didn’t see it can understand what happened by reading this.

Hit me up on twitter.com/dpisawesome

Woah! This show had another season? I'm really slipping...

Yes I'm black and I'm ranting about a reality show with white people.

My fault, Italians. I'm ranting about partial Italians

My bad...

Brook Hogan, you already know her father. Enough with the festivities.

This episode, from the start dictates the flow of the entire episode.

I just have one question.

Who the fuck is Colby O'Donis?

He loves to sing through his nose (I mean shit, I can do that but is that really singing ability). Big noses make great singers, just ask Ne-Yo? haha, I crack myself up...

SO... this episode basically shows how Colby swoons Brooke, with his nasal singing and his rapid strumming of the guitar. Colby's father, tells Hulk (I mean Terry...thats funny) how he "does it". and you would think Brooke being the daughter of the "Hulkster" would be impervious to such trickery.

NOT!!

Maybe it was just me or she was wants someone to cradle rob?

First dinner, then inner tubing, then... what? This is simply a way to take sweep her off her feet. I'm not going to knock his hustle. It works and I seen it for myself. If it works for him keep it up

And she keeps denying it, which makes this episode even more predictable.

While inner tubing, she loses her bottoms. I hope her snatch is shaved...

And he brings out the guitar, surprised? Talking about how she lost her panties. Good song I'd say, mostly for the humor and Brooke seemed to like it as well. He started another song, but he couldnt finish. Why? they kissed duh!. It was just a matter of time till it happened. I'm sure she's more susceptible to being swept off because of her less then stellar track record.

But Hulk doesn't like this too much. I think it's because he hates to admit that Colby's father was right? I mean, she is an adult and can so what she wants, but with your father in your business endeavours; you're still bound to be bothered by him. After all, she did gain fame at the expense of her father.

"The guy has magical powers, he's a sorcerer"

No he's not Hulk, it's just bring that common myth to life. that if you can sing and you dont look half bad, you can sweep damn near any female off their feet. It taps into their emotional nature. Sorry Hulk, but you don't have a vagina. I'm sorry, it's the truth. It's just the way it is. Kind of makes me wish I could sing.

"Dad, it was a simple innocent kiss"

Kisses stop being innocent after you start having sex (I know all about that) , which I'm sure she's not a virgin. Your father isn't a idiot (at least I dont think he is). I mean he's effin Hulk Hogan, he "should" have some intelligence, right..... am I right??

Now it's pretty clear that they are taken to each other.

Until... the road. Hulk and Freddy (I believe that's his name), makes it known that Colby has tours and has so many female groupies and whatever.

"He won't remember yesterday" and he probably won't.

Because I feel you're the only one that understand me?

Woah! back the fuck up! where in this episode do you ever see any deep conversation?

Let me summarize the episode thus far.

Colby comes in, sings through his nose. Strums the guitar. Brooke loses her panties. Colby sings and strums again... then they kiss.

I'm extremely simplfying it here, take it easy.

"I just expected to come down here and record a song, I didnt know we would get along so well"

It's somewhat sad to see them part, even though it was a episode. But even I know that in the business, you have so many females (if you're not ugly, well... I take that back, look at Lil Wayne, actually do yourself a favor and don't) all over you and it's hard to tell who's really has you in your best interest and those who are groupies. It's a hard life, but you make money from it.

That's all that should matter.... right?

NOTE: Apparently Megan from "Rock of Love 2" and "I Love Money" will have her own show... about finding her a "millionaire". Yet another dating show... well you know I'll be here ranting about this bitch, so be sure to look out for that.